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2018-06-11 - 3:03 a.m. things have been dark for too long

Our relationship has officially changed, yet the minefield we're still living in is the same. We're no less prone to causing each other pain. Only now the warmth and salve are rationed; post-war comforts no longer await us.

This is over. It hurts so much in all the ways it increasingly has, and probably mostly because it meant so very much to me. Being here with you is a perpetually painful reminder of what I lost; what we lost. I'm trying to keep going, keep living, meanwhile sinking in contents of this recently exploded heap of resentment and grief. I wasn't living my life here with you. And now I'm still in this same holding pattern, still waiting to land.

I intend to try harder not to play my part in the reenactment of our broken record battles. I'm sorry for letting myself get carried a way in it yesterday.

P.S. Generosity on a running score sheet isn't generosity at all; it's a tactical maneuver. Don't give me anything you don't want to.

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